Crazy Scenes
by Luana Starlight
Summary: Never mix Lord of the Rings with overactive imaginations
1. Crazy Scenes

The council had degenerated into shouting. Nobody could say anything without people yelling back at you. Finally, Aragorn had had enough.  
"LEGOLAS!" he shouted.  
"Yes, Aragorn?" Legolas asked.  
Aragorn pointed at him, "You, sit down."  
He turned and faced Gimli, "You, shut up."  
The last person he rounded on was Boromir, "You, do both."  
The council stared at him in shock. The three who he had told to do something followed his exact words; Legolas sat down, Gimli closed his mouth, and Boromir sat down AND closed his mouth. The rest of the council also sat down, not daring to say a word.  
Aragorn turned back to Lord Elrond, "Lord Elrond, please continue."  
  
They were standing in the armory, getting ready for the battle for Helm's Deep. Legolas had been fitted out with armor and Aragorn had just finished getting his armor on.  
"Legolas," Aragorn said.  
Legolas turned and faced the man, "Yes, Aragorn?"  
"Do you want the sword?"  
"No, I prefer the bow."  
  
Author's Note: Just some crazy scenes my sisters and I thought up while being on a no sleep high. I don't know how this got started exactly but we mixed some lines from "The Mummy Returns" with "The Lord of the Rings". Never mix story writing, not sleeping, and movies. This is the result. 


	2. Crazy Scenes 2

AN: Here are some more crazy scenes. I can thank my little sister for the idea for the last one. She was even acting it out for me.

Crazy Scenes: Part 2

Orthanc:

They watched as Saruman's body fell from the top of the tower of Orthanc. His body plummeted, turning end over end, until it finally landed with a sickening thud on one of his wheels, the spike going through him. It started moving, taking the body underneath the water.

"The filth of Saruman," Treebeard started, pausing a little, "is washing away."

"I don't want to know where it is washing to," Merry tried to whisper to Pippin.

A stifled laugh was heard, the aftereffects of their little party as they guarded earlier. Hobbits and pipeweed were not a good combination sometimes.

By the river:

"Legolas, fire a warning shot past the boson's ear," Aragorn told Legolas.

Legolas quickly pulled out an arrow and put it to the string.

"Careful with your aim, lad," Gimli said, just before knocking the end of his axe against the bow.

Legolas fired and hit a man straight in the chest. He quickly looked down at the dwarf who was pretending to be surprised.

"We warned you," he shouted. "Prepared to be boarded!"

"Boarded? By you and what army?" the pirates shouted back at them.

Aragorn calmly looked at them before saying, "This army."

He waited a few seconds but nothing happened. Turning around, no sign of the ghost army was there.

_"Aragorn, this is a problem,"_ Legolas whispered in elvish.

Minas Tirith:

"My line has ended!" Denethor was shouting as he weaved his way towards the stone wall surrounding the courtyard.

He looked down and his eyes took in the army of Mordor that was now standing on the fields of Pelennor.

"Theoden has abandoned me," he muttered.

Before anyone could register what was happening, Denethor was shouting down to the army of Gondor assembled there.

"Flee! Flee for your lives!"

He turned to meet a staff in the face. He met it a little too hard and was propelled backwards. Over the wall he went, tumbling past the surprised men of Gondor's army.

All that was heard of Gandalf was, "Well, we won't have any problems out of him now."


	3. Crazy Scenes 3

Aragorn's Coronation:

"So come the days of the King," Gandalf said to the crowd. He lowered his voice and said only to Aragorn, "May they be blessed."

Aragorn walked up the last step and stopped to breathe deeply before turning around. Little did he realize that he had not moved forward far enough on the step. He turned, and fell down the steps to land in a heap with his crown rolling towards the crowd.

"Ow…"

* * *

Helm's Deep:

"They will break upon these walls as waves upon a shore. No army has ever breached the Deeping Wall," Theoden was saying to his men.

Suddenly, a rumbling sound broke through the conversation. They all turned around to watch as some rocks behind the Deeping Wall came down the mountainside. All the men stopped and stared as the avalanche came to a stop.

"Maybe we should flee back to Edoras now. It's more dangerous here than it is there."

* * *

On the river:

The three boats were making there way down the river slowly. Two hobbits were with Boromir while the other two were with Aragorn. That left the elf and the dwarf together in the last boat. They had just past the two statues when an explosion and a splash was heard. The other boats pulled up to the shore and turned to watch as a laughing Gimli made his way up with the boat. Legolas was no where to be seen.

"What happened to Legolas?" Aragorn asked.

Gimli was too busy laughing to answer.

"LEGOLAS!" Aragorn shouted, hoping the elf would answer.

When no answer came, they decided to set up camp. Several minutes later, a very wet elf came walking up from further downstream.

"Master Legolas, what happened?" Sam asked.

"Ask the dwarf. Oh, and Aragorn, that's the last time we let the dwarf eat before we take off. Otherwise, he is swimming if we have to take anymore rivers."

* * *

Bag End:

Gandalf's staff connected with Sam Gamgee's head as he searched for the eavesdropper. An 'ow' was heard and Gandalf reached down to pull Sam up by the collar of his shirt.

"How long have you been eavesdropping?"

Sam started to stutter, "I haven't been dropping no eaves, sir. Honest!"

Suddenly another crash was heard from near the window. All three turned to look and Sam muttered, "But I may have knocked a few loose."


	4. Crazy Scenes 4

AN: Obviously, I enjoy doing these. I do not own LotR or Spaceballs. If I offend someone with the language in the following, please forgive me. I am going by the scripts and therefore do not wish to change the language. Concerning the last one, my sister, penname: Aurora, did this to us while we were out in our grandfather's boat out on the Chesapeake one day. Needless to say, those of us who were not seasick at that point, promptly became sick for the rest of the time on the water.

Crazy Scenes 4

By the river:

"Legolas, fire a warning shot past the boson's ear," Aragorn told Legolas.

Legolas quickly pulled out an arrow and put it to the string.

"Careful with your aim, lad," Gimli said, just before knocking the end of his axe against the bow.

Legolas fired and hit a man straight in the chest. He quickly looked down at the dwarf who was pretending to be surprised.

"We warned you," he shouted. "Prepare to be boarded!"

"Boarded? By you and what army?" the pirates shouted back at them.

Aragorn calmly looked at them before saying, "This army."

He waited a few seconds and a crash was suddenly heard. All three turned to look at the stone wall behind them to only find a large hole with several people coming out. One in particular stood out as he was dressed entirely in black with a large, large helmet on his head.

"Who are you?" Aragorn asked.

The only one dressed in a tie stopped and looked at them before replying, "We're Spaceballs."

Then, to Aragorn and Gimli's surprise, they heard Legolas mutter, "Oh shit, there goes Middle Earth."

* * *

Black Gates:

The armies of Gondor and Rohan had formed up in front of the Black Gates of Mordor. Aragorn and a small group had ridden forward to demand that the Dark Lord surrender to their small force. Obviously, negotiations had failed because they came riding back.

"…This day, we fight, Men of the West!" Aragorn had just finished shouting before drawing his sword.

The rest of the army had followed suite when suddenly a crash was heard. Aragorn turned to look as a small group of Gondorian soldiers had just fallen over. They got back up and turned to look at one man who could not get up.

"Gandalf, who is that man?" Aragorn asked the wizard.

Gandalf looked at him before going, "He's an Asshole."

"What is his name, Gandalf?"

"That is his name. Asshole, Private Asshole."

"Who allowed him to join the army?"

"His brother signed him up."

"And his brother is?"

"Major Asshole."

Aragorn suddenly said a little too loudly, "How many Assholes do we have in this army anyways?"

Suddenly, all the Gondorians raised their hands and shouted, "Yo!"

Aragorn just stood there and put his head in his hands.

* * *

On the Anduin:

Floating down the river in three small boats can be quite boring. Especially for two troublemaking Hobbits who had nothing better to do. Both Merry and Pippin had managed to behave and not cause any headaches for their pilot, Boromir. Unfortunately, this was not to last.

"Ninety-nine bottles of beer on the wall. Ninety-nine bottles of beer. Take one down, pass it around. Ninety-eight bottles of beer on the wall…"

They had started shortly after breakfast and were close to fifty about three hours later, considering that they had stopped at seventy-five to each take a drink for their dry throats. This did not help a certain dwarf who did not care for boats and had been drinking a lot of water as they had gone down the river.

Finally, "Will you two please put a cork in it? We won't be stopping for a while and I do not need nature calling right now!"

The two hobbits looked at each other, making a mental note to pick back up fifty on a later date.

It was after lunch and they were still going down the river. Yet again, the hobbits were bored. This time Boromir had encouraged them to do something. For the next two hours, all that could be heard coming from that boat was the repeated phrase, "Up and down! Up and down! Up and down! Side to side! Side to side!"

Gimli spent the rest of that day, turning green and trying to ignore nature's call.


End file.
